The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
