oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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