ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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