we're chasing vodka with high fives
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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