i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
