Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
