what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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