I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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