I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
