remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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