I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
