Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
