Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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