Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
