Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
