We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
