I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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