I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
