He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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