i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
