Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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