just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
