naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
