Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
