how can u be prego again
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
