My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
