I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
