guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
