Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
