I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
