Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
