In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
