I hate your face
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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