so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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