Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
