Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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