I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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