Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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