Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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