i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
