i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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