This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
