My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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