Pants 0. Shit 1.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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