He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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