She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
