question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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