I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
