Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Quick, to the slutcave!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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