If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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