why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
