I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
