Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i've created a new STD.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
