I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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