Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
