he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
