yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My bed smells like the plague
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
