This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize