K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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