Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
