If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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