i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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