I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
