I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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