Pappa wants mamma naked
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
