y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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