I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
