Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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