i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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