I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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