I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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