Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
