Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
