I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
