i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
