His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
