she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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