I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize