i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
