why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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